Isn’t it wild how quickly you can swing from being madly in love with your sweetheart, to thinking “If you do that irritating thing one more time I’m going to start screaming!?”
There you are on a Friday night, cozying up to your beloved in front of a movie. The work week’s complete, he brought home that dessert that you love and you feel all warm and grateful for this man by your side.
A day later, after a morning of rushing, conflicting schedules, last minute changes and several misunderstandings, your partner gives you the “uh-huh” sound, head buried in his phone for the hundredth time that afternoon and you find yourself thinking “What did I ever find attractive about this self-centered jerk!?”
It’s going one of two ways now, my friends. You can turn this around quickly and enjoy the rest of the weekend like you had planned or cross your arms and let the thing spiral down into another argument or power struggle. Most people allow their own reactivity to dictate next steps, which only works against the emotional connection that is slowly getting stretched too thin.
Here are 3 immediate action steps to take when you find yourself ready to blow!
1. Zip it and excuse yourself. Guess what? This is about you. I know that’s initially frustrating to hear (he would drive anyone crazy doing this!) but it’s actually empowering. Without pouting, go take 10 minutes where you can be alone and breathe. Close your eyes for a minute and allow yourself to be fully present with the irritation / anger /hurt.
2. Ask yourself one simple question. “What’s the most loving thing I can do for myself right now so that I show up as the woman I want to be?” Note the distinction I’m making from what we normally hear. I’m not telling you to ask what the most loving thing is that you can do for “him” or your “relationship.” It starts with you putting your arms around you. When you ground in a stronger connection to yourself, you have more kindness and love to offer, along with the ability to soften harsh judgements that arise. Do whatever loving thing it is that comes to you so that your heart re-opens.
3. The Power of the Spoken Word. Find your beloved and speak one short sentence with that open heart you’ve just reconnected to. “I really want to take a moment to shift back to feeling a loving connection with you, babe. Can we take a moment and do that right now so we have a great evening together?”
All three steps are important! Watch for ways you do only “half” of this and say it doesn’t work.
Not leaving the situation for a minute makes it extremely challenging to calm your physical body down enough for a new mindset to settle in. If you don’t actually take the time to ask how to fully support your own self in the moment, you’ll more than likely fall into the old habit of trying to do something to “be nicer” or “make him happier.” This is how resentments begin to build. And if you decide that actually reaching toward your partner and being vulnerable enough to “speak” your loving intention is too risky, you’ll lose the most important piece of all………….leaning into the growth that is calling to you and offering beautiful, soulful healing on this journey called life.
That’s what we’re here for, right?
You can do this. Champion on!
What tips do you use when you're irritated? Let us know in the comments below!