I had my blog mentally written when I woke up this morning and then I jumped onto FB to do my usual posting before Coaching calls. I was stunned by what I found. In my own circle of casual acquaintances, no less than 12 postings were almost word for word the same: “What the hell is the problem with men!? / women!? I tried dating again for a couple of months and I cannot believe what this&%$# just did. I’m done. Why can’t men/women be taught to be mature, live with integrity and be kind, for God’s sake?”
A lot of frustration.
And some real hurt stirred up.
What happened over the last 24 hours to kick this stuff up in the Universe? I have no idea.
There was a full moon, but hey……….
Here’s what I do know. I could go through all my “Conscious Dating” material with you and remind you of the importance of having those strong “Requirements” in place so you can “sort & screen” with them.
I could remind you that to find the person you not only have chemistry with, but who’s values, personality and quirkiness match yours, it means hanging in there through all the potential dates in which there is not a fit.
Or I could suggest that maybe whatever happened triggered a place in you that not only hurt a bit, but had you lose “hope” that a wonderful person was truly out there ‘’’and you freaked.
But today, I want you to begin right here, so that you don’t do an extreme shut down and keep yourself from some beautiful, meaningful connection out of anger, hurt and frustration. Ok?
- Watch the black and white thinking. Nothing will get you stuck and keep you stuck quicker. All men are not “a-holes” and all women are not “crazy.” That’s a knee jerk reaction, so clear that energy all the way out this week.
- Spend some time soothing yourself and writing. What are you upset about, really? What’s under that? What’s the fear that’s gotten kicked up, because BIG anger is deep fear.
- Here’s an interesting one. Why did you try another round of dating? Is this fully in alignment with what you want to draw into your life at this stage of the game, or was something / someone else the motivator?
- And then there’s this, so take a deep breath: more than likely, there’s something “familiar” here. One of the reasons we get so angry is that we find ourselves saying “Not AGAIN!!!” And you know where I’m going with this, right? If there’s a recognizable pattern running through this hurtful situation my friend, YOU must flush it out and heal it, so it can be done. D.O.N.E. done!
So before you rush to find that Requirements/Needs/Wants exercise I’ve had you do (email me if you want the handout!) and while you still feel the “heat” of this painful encounter, carve out some time this week to sit with the above 4 steps.
My goal is to help you out of the hurt and frustration and get your feet back under you quickly.
This doesn’t need to tank you. It’s brought you one step closer to a clear understanding of the kind of “awake”, loving, emotionally mature, equal partner you are seeking. Keep building a strong relationship with yourself and use any “cues” or triggers to fine-tune what is asking to be healed in you.
Then keep your eyes forward and take the next step, with confidence
DATING IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP. DATING IS AN EVALUATION PERIOD TO DECIDE IF YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP.
This mental shift should help lighten the process and allow you to actually enjoy all these cups of coffee, glasses of wine, walks and “get to know you” dinners!
Big love to you all ~