“Well, I’m alone again, naturally.” That’s what a potential new client said to me during an initial phone chat last week.
This woman had been explaining how she’d screwed up her relationship by taking the guy for granted and that when it ended, she wasn’t surprised at all. Then she shared that she’s been dating a bit, but felt like each attempt was going to fail because she…….wait for it…………
…… always ends up alone, again. Naturally.
Besides feeling incredibly sad that this woman had a deeply ingrained belief that no matter what, she would end up “alone”, something else kept bugging me all day and I couldn’t figure it out. Then, as I was reading in bed that night, I heard a song in my head. It was one my Mom used to sing over and over during her very painful divorce and it always put a knot in my stomach:
Alone Again (naturally) By Gilbert O’Sullivan
In a little while from now
If I'm not feeling any less sour
I promise myself to treat myself
And visit a nearby tower
And climbing to the top
Will throw myself off
In an effort to
Make it clear to whoever
Wants to know what it's like when you're shattered
Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people saying, My God, that's tough
She stood him up
No point in us remaining
We may as well go home
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally
To think that only yesterday I was cheerful, bright and gay
Looking forward to who wouldn't do
The role I was about to play
But as if to knock me down
Reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch
Cut me into little pieces
Leaving me to doubt
Talk about, God in His mercy
Oh, if he really does exist
Why did he desert me
In my hour of need
I truly am indeed
Alone again, naturally
It’s quite fascinating how old messages from our past, including song lyrics, can play such a huge part in forming unhealthy beliefs about love and relationships! Sometimes we realize the power of words and actually harness the energy to keep us moving forward.
(What woman hasn’t put on “I Will Survive” when she’s heartbroken?)
But other times, these messages seem to have seeped down deep into our being without us really understanding their effect. Countless times over the years I’ve heard women say something to the effect of “But that’s what a good woman does, right? Stands by her man no matter what?”
(Who can’t hear Tammy Wynette belting out “Stand By Your Man?”)
So, let’s have a little fun here!
Share what the worst, most dysfunctional love song is that you can think of!
I’d love to hear, in all honesty, whether specific lyrics have anchored some unhealthy behaviors in you when it comes to intimacy?
Do you use music to help you get through a tough breakup or have you let yourself stay “stuck” by entertaining dysfunctional lyrics?
Ok. I’ll start, then you jump in.
How about, “How Do I Live Without You?” by Trisha Yearwood.
The lyrics, “How do I live without you / I want to know / How do I breathe without you / If you ever go / How do I ever, ever survive?” shout that coupled love is a prerequisite for happiness!
And yes, I remember wallowing way to long in a painful funk, listening to this song and many others when I was going through a divorce in my 30’s. Thank goodness for friends who know when enough is enough, grab us by the collar and drag us out into the world for much needed fun and a new perspective!
How about you? I’d love to hear your “love songs” story! Just leave it in the comment section below and I'll put together a playlist on my FB page early next week!!
Everyone who plays along, and shares a song, will be entered to win one 45 min Revolutionary Love Private Coaching Session with me! Way better than listening to a painful love song on repeat, don't you think??