"Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you."
Ladies, let's check in here for a moment. Yes, we're all human and make mistakes. Yes, the people who are brought into our lives give us powerful opportunities to look at ourselves - from our wounded places and triggers that still need attention, to what values we hold dear and whether we are willing throw our own moral compass to the ground just to have some loving affection from someone.
But can I tell you how many times I hear in a week, women tell me how an "ex", a former boyfriend or a date who's run hot/cold is suddenly rushing back to them when something in their "outside" world changes for the worse? And can I tell you how many times these women list all the many reasons that it's probably not a good "risk", and yet smile sheepishly at the end and say, "But I love him. And we're told to forgive, right? And I really think things will be different this time."
Hmmm. Ok. There's always the chance. But if you are in ANY way not fully accepting and loving the person who has run back to you, exactly as he is - right now- then you are falling into the mindset women fall into every day, of believing you have the power to "change" another with your love and presence or because you see his "potential" to be the man that you are sure he can finally be.
I'm asked what to do in these situations, when a person say's they've had an "epiphany" and want to come back because they realize what they "lost." Some important considerations:
- If you've been here before, the odds are you are just another resting place until he feels better or gets his feet back under him.
- When a person truly changes, it's from the inside out, with intentional work having been done quietly. It's not as a result of an outside situation throwing them to the ground. That can get a person's attention. It doesn’t create the actual change, as that takes time, dedication and work.
- Have you not gotten on with your own life after this person made it clear they weren't interested in being with you? Why? Why are you not letting go? This is an important one to sit with, ladies, because the more fulfilling a life you have, the less willing you will be to accept nonsense, drama or "the hope of him changing" back into your glorious life!
- A healthy sense of "self-worth" means a woman can hold caring in her heart and still say "no" easily to anything that doesn't match her essence of love and integrity. A conscious relationship requires trust, respect, a high level of emotional maturity and not only the commitment (words are just words) but the actual ability to show up fully in kindness, using everything between the two as an opportunity for personal / spiritual growth.
Please don't settle. Life is short. Looping is looping, no matter how you "spin" it. Love yourself enough to take a stand for the kind of partner who is "there" in a way that is more attractive than anything you've experienced. You're worth it.