Generosity Is The New Sexy

Generosity Is The New Sexy

I’ve found myself thinking a lot about generosity lately. As I experience over the top amounts of it in my life right now, with friends and family housing me during my “I think I’ll be homeless for 4 months, adventure!”, I’m beyond grateful, to say the least.

It’s also got me thinking about the places where I easily show up in an open hearted, generous way and what causes me to constrict, hold onto things tightly and fall into a sense of “not enoughness” and lack in my life. Quite fascinating.

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Should You Be Banned From Relationships?

Should You Be Banned From Relationships?

Ok, damn it. This is just not funny anymore.

I’m going to do something I’ve never done before and hope you’ll bear with me, as I rant and then get to my request.

For God’s sake, people! If you can’t handle yourself with even the smallest bit of integrity in relationships and through an “ending”, if that is where you wind up, then PLEASE don’t get into one, until you can. Ok?

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When Loving Yourself Means Letting Him Go

When Loving Yourself Means Letting Him Go

Ladies, let's check in here for a moment. Yes, we're all human and make mistakes. Yes, the people who are brought into our lives give us powerful opportunities to look at ourselves - from our wounded places and triggers that still need attention, to what values we hold dear and whether we are willing throw our own moral compass to the ground just to have some loving affection from someone.

But can I tell you how many times I hear in a week, women tell me how an "ex", a former boyfriend or a date who's run hot/cold is suddenly rushing back to them when something in their "outside" world changes for the worse? And can I tell you how many times these women list all the many reasons that it's probably not a good "risk", and yet smile sheepishly at the end and say, "But I love him. And we're told to forgive, right? And I really think things will be different this time."

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The Truth About Dating

The Truth About Dating

Why is it that so many people who are getting back into the “dating world” seem to have such a miserable experience, while others talk about the process as if it were an exciting adventure? What’s creating such a different experience? Is the individual’s last involvement in a relationship affecting their attitude? Is fear keeping them armored up enough that they can’t actually enjoy themselves? Or are some people simply “unlucky”, coming across date after date who ranges from seriously immature or rude and self- centered, to someone who’s “quirks” are not the funny, endearing kind, but instead leave you scrunching up your forehead, asking “What the hell was that?”

All of these things can certainly play a part in whether you enjoy the process of dating again, but being “unlucky” is rarely what’s going on. The personal work that an individual does at the onset to ready themselves for what truly can be a fun, “adventure”, is the key to not only enjoying meeting new people, but to having a fun, flirtatious time that opens the door to the possibility of something deeper.

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How Big is Your 'BRAVE'?

How Big is Your 'BRAVE'?

As I sat this morning in the spiritual center that I visit when I travel to New Mexico, I was not surprised when a young girl, 9 years old, maybe, joined the adult choir, coming up to the mic and belting out the lyrics, “Say what you wanna say and let the words fall out, honestly I wanna see you be BRAVE!” Bravery. Or the lack of it, has seemed to be the theme for me all week long, starting last Sunday evening in the mountain town of Jemez, NM. Late in the evening, my friend and I spontaneously loaded ourselves back into the car, returning to a huge boulder from which some local hot springs gushed forth in the hopes of anchoring a powerful conversation around “brave next steps” with a bold giving forth of ourselves to the night sky. With one tiny flashlight, we scaled the huge rock formation, mostly by feel, laid back in the pitch black, grabbed each other’s hands and stared up at the most impressive night sky you could ever imagine. The utter silence and mind-blowing constellations spoke truths to our hearts, open wide enough to hear them.

By Tuesday though, my clients and I both had gone into some kind of intense fear place that had no real name. While I’m skilled at helping them maneuver their way back through to a crack of light at the end of the tunnel, I’m not as great at navigating that dark terrain myself without support. It built. The exciting, yet challenging new business project that I’d spent weeks getting clear on put a knot in my stomach. A recent betrayal from a man I cared about and had forgiven, suddenly felt fresh again. I felt scared that the guidance I’d been clearly given to let go of my place and make a temporary move to NM was not to be trusted. Finding a solid foundation to stand on when fear has you lassoed around the neck can seem impossible!

I know to breathe. And to meditate. And to feel into the “strangle hold.” And to be patient.

This is the beauty of meditation. Sit long enough and what needs to be revealed will be, if we only will love ourselves enough to be quiet.

Ash Wednesday arrived in the middle of fear week. I push past every bit of uncomfortableness rising up and literally drag myself to a Catholic church (no, I’m not Catholic) in the hopes of engaging with the season of Lent in a way that brings me some soothing. The ashes on my forehead do little other than remind me as I pass a mirror that I am getting desperate. Fear builds on itself, as fear does, when you allow it to begin creating low grade anxiety. Random thoughts begin to float through my mind about my son’s upcoming wedding and what ridiculous family “issue” could ruin the day. Thursday brings my deceased Mom’s birthday and while she was one of the most beautiful, kind and fun loving women I’ve ever known, I am reminded that the amount of fear she carried with her on a daily basis was toxic and kept her from doing anything that even resembled an act of bravery.

Another night of tossing and turning.   If you know me, then you know one of my weaknesses is that I can still be hard on myself. While others gripped in fear might shrink back and become paralyzed, my go-to place is to crack the whip on myself in the hopes of sparking some kind of manufactured motivation that will “snap me out of it.” It’s familiar. Thank you, Dad. And, because it’s worked at times, I still try this tactic first instead of simply taking my own hand and walking to my meditation cushion.

By Friday, because I’m obviously losing this battle, I say outloud in my meditation, “For God’s sake! You can’t seriously want me to be in this lousy place! Help! Please!”

And in the silence... the all-encompassing silence, where everything we ever need, hope for, long to have laid in our hands or lean desperately toward in our angst………….. I hear……………….

 

”Be brave.

Be bold.

Life is sacred and you think you have time to waste on nonsense.

You have no time to waste.

Fear is your nonsense.

Your desires are Divine sparks to be lit up full.

Build a bonfire with your hearts desires and dance under those stars!”

 

The fear melts. I swear I can feel it run down my body and pool in a muddy puddle at my feet.

 

“Everybody’s been there,

Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy

Fallen for the fear

And done some disappearing,

Bow down to the mighty

Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue”

 

Show me how big your BRAVE is...

My 8 Month Revolution on the Couch!

Sitting on the Couch

For all of us "go-getters" who are also committed to walking the spiritual path,  I find there is a place we can land too often, somewhere in between "constant action" and "sitting in the silence", listening (begging?!) for some kind of deeper wisdom concerning what direction to head! Whether it's with our businesses that we're trying to grow, our relationships we are regularly assessing for health, or any other area of our lives that we are attempting to navigate more skillfully, we're told that the more we can "get out of the way" and allow guidance to come through, the more in alignment our choices will be with who we truly are and our purposeful work.

If you knew me, you probably would not be too surprised at what I am going to share about my 8 month revolution on the couch:

I have a tendency to "overcorrect," or as my personal Coach, known as "The Wise Woman" used to call it years ago, "swinging the pendulum too far."  When I decide something is not working, my mind goes to what kind of extreme solution could bring about the quickest and most profound change.  I'm sure it wasn't helpful to have Thomas Leonard, the key "mover and shaker" in my coach training and also my friend, teach the same kind of thinking when he would challenge clients to go to "extremes" to immediately stop tolerating things that were draining their energy!

Ten years ago, I was trying to shift the direction of my Coaching practice and at the same time, had my feet firmly planted in spiritual awakening.  My commitment to living the principles of unconditional love, compassion, acceptance of life on life's terms, forgiveness and surrendering to the greater wisdom and intuitive guidance that was always there for me, was at it's height.  And yet, I remained confused, regularly, about what direction to head, even after my daily meditations.  After months had gone by, a spiritual teaching offered one Sunday focused on the many ways that we block what Spirit is trying to tell us by staying stuck in fear, believing that we need to figure everything out ourselves.  We were encouraged to let go, on a deeper level, and trust that the "still small voice" - call it Spirit, God, or intuition - would be there with guidance if we would only STOP trying to "help" it.

Yes.

You know what I did.

My friends who know about this little "experiment" and I refer to it now, as my "Sitting on my ass on the couch period."

For 8 months - YES! 8 months! - I sat.  I made a commitment to myself and my higher power, that I would not take ANY action in my business that was not a direct result of clear communication from the Universe.  I repeated things during my daily spiritual practice, like "Thy will, not my will" and "I am open to receiving all of the wisdom and guidance that is coming to me now, as I move more fully into my purposeful work."  I sat regularly with my pen hovering over the page, closing my eyes and saying "Ok, Spirit - let er rip!"  Then I'd wait in anticipation.

Nothing.

Nada.

Zip.

Well, Ok.  That's not true.  What I received, more directly and with more clarity than I remember ever receiving before, was an inner peace that was almost undescribable.  I shifted from feeling fearful and uncertain about how my life was going to unfold to having an absolute "knowing" that I was helped by Life and Love and Truth. Forgiveness around a past relationship came suddenly and with an ease that astounded me.  So many seradipitous moments came my way that I stopped counting!

Just those little things ♥

For 8 months, I listened deeply and lived the other areas of my life fully.  I sat on that damn couch and listened and opened and asked and affirmed and stated my willingness over and over. And still, I stayed frustrated that I was not getting specific direction about what next steps to take in my business.  One day, the inner longing and intense desire to offer my talents and natural gifts to the world began creating an inner earthquake and I stood up, threw my journal on the ground, scared my Shiba Inu to death and shouted "I'm pissed!  Why am I not getting answers!  I'm not going to sit here anymore and if I have to take this into my own hands, I will!  That's not what we're told!  I want to be of service, I long to work with people to create lives of integrity and relationships that flourish, so damn it, tell me one step to take right now or this is over!"

And I heard, immediately,  "Go drive around the lake."

Seriously? That's the next step in my business?

I knew I'd had it with this "couch sit" and the party was over.  Just so I could feel like I'd played the whole thing out, I threw on my clothes (oh, yeah, much of that revolution was done in pj's) grabbed my purse and muttering under my breath things that you don't normally say to the Universe, I began the loop in my town around the lake there, a drive rarely taken, that ends up at the other side of the village with cute shops, offices and our local Chamber of Commerce.  As I made the last leg through town, I saw a darling brick office building that I'd never noticed before with a For Rent sign out front.  All I can say, is that every cell of my being came alive and my mind was instantly flooded with ideas, thoughts and inspiration for how my ideal Coaching practice could look. They were rushing in so fast I had to drive home to get them all down in my journal.  Now where did I throw that?

The moral to the "Sitting on my ass for 8 months listening for the voice for Spirit" story?  I've thought alot about this over the years and believe it's something like this:

Creating inner quiet and opening to our deepest, inner wisdom and knowing is imperative.  It requires doing it enough that our crazy, monkey minds have a chance to finally calm down. But the Universe is also waiting for our desires - what we truly long to feel, experience, engage in - to be announced!  To be claimed!  To be brought forth with intention and fire!  When I got tired of the stagnant feeling in my home, I stood up and spoke, loudly and with passion, what I wanted.  It may have been all I knew at the time, but it created movement and support.

How can you clarify and offer to Spirit what you do know, right now, about your deep, powerful desires?  And will you then, and only then, take a seat on the couch to listen?

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